Above the surfers, an old battery sprinkles its rusted metal and concrete on the hill. The ground is green from winter rains and the sky is a welcoming shade of blue. From here the land is magic; the ocean is vast and deep. It is hard to imagine soldiers here awaiting attack, but there is evidence of this war readiness all over the Bay Area. 

I look for signs of rabbits and coyotes but am satisfied by the flit of a small butterfly. Water fills a hole where a cannon once was mounted. Here, I look for frogs and fish. I have no idea how fish would make it up to the top of the hill, but I look anyway. 

I call out into the concrete hall and my voice calls back. I wonder if the soldiers sang songs while holding watch. Did they get distracted by the beauty of this landscape. Did they swim or surf at nightfall? 

The coast is a carved sculpture made by the sea. Looking out over the water to the horizon, all else falls away. I am endlessly grateful for this.  

Up in the Berkeley hills, I look for a different perspective and point of view. I pull over to walk next to a park used as a practice site for rock climbers. A few hang precariously, fingers and toes hooking into this hard earth. The view of the Bay is vast and wants to bring tears to my eyes. This is an involuntary act. I am on top of the world in this western landscape, ocean salt covering my shoes, wrinkles growing around my eyes. 

A sign beside the sidewalk begs, "don't give up". I feel strong, but worry wears itself on my brow. It is beautiful up here, houses of varying styles with plants aplenty. Every home has a glorious view, and I peek between them, straining to see what I am not meant to afford. 

Two midcentury modern homes stand out from the crowd. I imagine myself living within them, one for art making and one for entertaining an eclectic group of friends. I fall into fantasy of what the life of an artist should be but never is. I am thrown back onto the street where I stand, to continue walking. This is the artist's real life. It is not luxurious or full of absolute whimsy. It is a drive that goes on in spite of anything that would try to stop it. The maker makes, no matter the circumstance. 

Lost in self analysis and willful wanderings, a doe approaches from the adjacent slope. I stop in my tracks and gasp, for chance encounters such as this should be cherished. I am quiet and watchful, camera up to eye. I know the moment will be fleeting. I think to those who hold guns up to such beautiful creatures, and no amount of explanation will allow me to fathom why. In a residential area, this animal passes through what once belonged to it. Run away friend, find a place of refuge. 

I wander the hills wanting to get lost but knowing I will always find my way. The more I step, the more ground I cover. The more ground I cover, the more I am firmly planted here. 

The camera is bored, its human repeating known steps. Vision is always new, but some days lacking energy borders on disillusionment. Movement is necessary to progress forward, to swim through the incessant slog of this strange time. 

Of all my days painting indoors, being out in the world with the camera is where I am most at home. This is what I have found. This is what I am reminded of, time and time again. It is a continuous conversation. My surroundings speak to me and I speak back. We speak in quiet whispers, not necessarily needing to be heard. It is the act of doing that is required at the moment. The image acts as artifact, a reflection of experience in color and form. It is much more than that, always so much more. 

I must forgive the quiet, savoring the contemplative. I walk, slow mile upon slow mile, never tracking distance or time. I am a wanting wanderer looking for a sign. 

Walking on a hill amongst the dead, I picture myself on the bus. I passed this place hundreds of times on the way to my art studio. As the bus drove by, I could see glimpses of gravestones and thought, I would like to visit. For some reason, I never did. 

The pandemic brings me to locations I have neglected, or places of which I was previously unaware. I love cemeteries, however inappropriate or odd that may seem (but not a far stretch for most artists). I enjoy the peaceful, natural setting. Surface patina and flower fade are my muses in the garden of the departed. The statues are an outdoor museum of angels and saints. 

Now here, I am gleeful, albeit not quite sure if I am "allowed". Alone at first, I finally notice some dog walkers. These aren't just any dogs, but seeing eye dogs for the blind. The training school is not far from here, another place I have previously seen from the bus window. I wonder if the dogs realize the good service they provide, and the undeniable companionship. 

This cemetery is charming but poorly maintained. Many gravestones are in ruin or disrepair, fences fallen. Enamel portraits are cracked or have evidence of bullet damage, faces obscured. Were these individuals purposefully targeted, or is it just haphazard hooligan shenanigans? The grounds are left mostly to the elements, not overly planted with that golf course green grass. 

Recently there was a murmuration of starlings here. It went on for several days with much excitement and observation. One would think the birds would have brought me here then. Instead I chose to come at a time when the gatherings of those staring at the sky are absent, and the birds have flown away.