Where I live, it is summer. In San Francisco proper, the fog calls the seasons into question. The beach is blustery and cold. My hair whips around in a way I am not used to. Since the pandemic, I have yet to get it cut. It blows in my eyes and into my mouth. The dry grasses dance around, mocking me, but I don't mind.

A young cormorant is taunted by a dog. It seems the bird cannot yet fly or is injured. Youth seems more likely, as the escape is a bit clumsy and awkward. I lean in to see if the bird is ok but refrain from getting too close. I don't want to cause the bird more anguish. 

I venture out from the beach to find a place with less wind. I park and walk around an area of the city I had never explored. I step onto an empty college campus. It is well landscaped, and there are amazing views from here. Palm trees wave and sway. I wave back.

A man in a dark suit wears a covering over his head and face. I am self conscious about being maskless. I am still not used to walking with a bare face. At first, I think this man is campus security, glaring at me, wondering my intent. Later, I see him strolling with a paper sack. He is just a regular guy getting lunch. 

It is an odd day, where the sky is hiding its blue. I get a bit lost before returning to the car. I enjoy wandering without paying attention to any specific direction. Driving back over the bridge, the temperature rises, the sky clears, and the sun shines bright. I appreciate the foggy days no less; they are just a different mood, an alternate (but temporary) state of being.

Out in the avenues, the ocean calls, again and again. I return to revel in the sand and sunshine. Some days, this is everything and enough. 

On the morning of what will be a really hot day, I venture to where the surfers catch early waves. As I walk the beach, I notice a bulbous form in the sand. At first, I perceive this to be a large piece of driftwood free of bark. As I get closer, I sadly see that it is a deceased whale. It is raw, damaged and in a state of decay. The smell is unpleasant. I don't look away. Instead, I document the animal and wonder what brought it to its demise. Several whales have washed up in the Bay Area recently, many of them wounded by ship strike. (My photos of the whale will not appear here, out of respect for the once beautiful, grand creature.)

Further down the beach, the tide is low enough to walk all the way to where the sand ends. Mussels and sea anemones cover the rock formations here. Waves crash and fall. Hermit crabs scurry to hide. My sneakered feet get wet, and I wonder why I have forgotten that it is sandal season. If it weren't for my camera, I'd probably just step deeper into the water, to get a closer look at the ocean critters. 

Up on the hill above the beach, I wander through the fort looking for spots to aim my camera. I watch the cliff swallows fly in and out of their mud nests. I listen to a vibrant red finch singing sweetly while sitting on the wires. An official looking white vehicle pulls up beside me and I say hello. A uniformed gentleman asks if he can help me in some way. I say "no" and smile. He asks what I am doing, and I say, "I am taking photos". He asks, "of what?" I pause and look around. I point to some discarded objects lost in the weeds and say, "artsy stuff like this". It sounds silly coming out of my mouth, but all other answers seem suspect. If I am a criminal, I am plotting my future shady escapades. If I am a self proclaimed artist for profit, I need to pay to be permitted to be here. My solution is to look happily naive with a new hobby. It works, and he drives off, choosing to ditch any further inquiry into my activities.  

I arrive at the park near the Lawn Bowling Club. It is often occupied by the elder set, dressed in crisp white attire, a uniform of sorts. Usually, stark white stands in sharp contrast to the vibrant green grass. Today, it is clear the formality of tradition has been lost to the pandemic. Everything is more casual now, because we no longer have time for posturing. 

The man who waters the grass for the bowlers, notices me reading a sign. It has an image of a crow and says, "Don't worry. I'm not real". He explains to me that he has to use a decoy to scare away critters. In order for it to work, he must put the decoy on its back. This results in the park getting many phone calls about a dead or injured bird. Now there is a sign for the humans, but the other animals still fall for the ruse. 

Around the bend, I enter the Aids Memorial Grove. It is absolutely stunning, a tribute to those who left us too soon. The plants are lush and green, even more so than many other areas of the park. The strength of spirit of those that are honored here is palpable. The care with which it was designed, and nurtured is immense. This is a sacred place. Hearts are mended here. 

I go to see the dahlias, but it may be too soon. They are few and far between, and half of them are missing. Maybe it is early or maybe their tending was lost to quarantining gardeners. I admire a few lonely blooms. Behind me, a man in business attire sits on a bench, listening to heavy metal music that is trapped inside his backpack.  

At the Conservatory of Flowers, a man wearing red, white and blue pants, and an absurdly quaffed head of hair, aggressively throws rocks. He intends to break the glass, but the glass is now wood. In his frustration, he bends and weaves wildly and grabs more rocks. I want to intervene, but I don't. He talks to the wind and traipses on. 

From the nearby tunnel comes the sound of live music. I follow it and see a group of men playing. The tunnel amplifies the sound, and I stand in the middle listening. The walls are covered with various messages of past and present. I place money in the hat and hope to hear more, but the men soon pause to put away their instruments. 

Golden Gate Park is the garden, playground, gym and sanctuary of so many locals and tourists alike. It will always be a place of refuge for me. It is not as if I don't see its troubled bits; it is just that the shiny bits shine brighter for me.  

Over in the east bay, I weave my way into and out of shops, slowly bringing back some of the daily life from before. It is not so much about the purchase of things, but more about human interaction and the freedom of happenstance. Everyone appears to be walking around filled with a bit of weariness, but with an equal sense of renewed hope. After a spirited conversation with an eager fat cat and a peanut eating crow, I enter an antique store to buy vintage photos from a shop keeper with a French accent. I pretend I am on a trip that couldn't be taken. 

Underneath the Bart tracks, I see tiny lines flitting about in the breeze. As the wind blows, the lines bend and dance, appearing almost metallic. I crane my neck to watch, and it is beautiful. These pine needles, caught in a metal grate, have created an effortless work of art. 

At the end of a busy street, a repurposed bank contains a night deposit box. I imagine it being the place where daydreams safely go to sleep. At the rising of the sun, a key is turned and the daydreams are released, only to be captured again by wanderers like me. 

The fog tries to mask the blue sky, but the sky shines through. I'm dressed for summer, but summer in San Francisco is like early spring elsewhere. And, it is not summer yet. I decide to enjoy the crisp air rather than be cold. 

I tell myself that I am so grateful to be here. Of all the places I could be, this is where I chose; this place makes me glad. Although I rest my head a bit north of here, this city has drawn me in for a very long time. The hardships it brings are rewarded in the diversity of the landscape, the wildlife as well as the people. 

The pandemic has weighed on me. Like many, my time has been my own - and yet not. I am less than a week away from being fully vaccinated and past the wait time. I look forward to having a semblance of a normal life after being the utmost of careful. Although I greatly value the time I have spent taking these photos, I miss people and real interactions. My outings have been like an extended game of dodgeball, quick weaving and wandering. 

My primary form of expression the past several years has been painting. If anything, this past year, I have gained a renewed love of photography. My walks with my camera allow me to enjoy my external world rather than retreating into the internal. My eyes are constantly searching, my mind cataloging my surroundings. A narrative unfolds but it has its own buoyancy, follows its own direction in spite of any baggage I might bring. It is freeing, always rewarding and keeps me completely present.  

The ocean constantly calls for my attention, and I try to answer with great respect. One would think I'd constantly find myself swimming, but often I stand on the edge, barely touching the water. In tropical climates, where the water is warm, I find myself swimming for hours upon hours, conversing with the fish. Here in the Bay Area, the water is frigid for a cold wimp. The pandemic has had me asking - Why don't I own a wetsuit? Why don't I know anyone with a boat? Why don't I own a boat, even if it is an inflatable dinghy? Why am I not a surfer or paddle boarder (beyond the annoyance of my crap knee)? These are repeated questions that need resolve. 

A young man approaches the water and disrobes down to a pair of shorts. He runs briskly into the ocean and back out again. Is this a test of will? A dare? An attempt to awake out of an endless stupor? If I went in that far, I would swim out past the waves, float on my back, feeling the water rise and fall. Surely I would get carried away with the wind, but that is not part of my current daydream. 

Two men are fishing and are the only others at the beach. They whirl around with their poles, trading places now and again. Seagulls look for bait to snack on while the men tug at the lines. I kick rocks and take pictures. 

I wander and wait for I know not what. My hair blows in my eyes and into my mouth. I am not used to the unwieldy nature of these unattended tendrils. My worries waiver and whip away with the wind. I wander back up the hill dancing, quietly collecting these scattershot halcyon days. 

Spring pretends to be summer, while I pretend to be carefree. Happiness is a wave that before it peaks is glorious. Once it curls overhead, it is exhilarating. Then one can be found underneath, kicking to swim back up again. The trick is to kick hard and fast enough, to not take in too much water, to rise again, laughing. 

A masked face breathes hard and sweat drips. If anything, the last year has left us all with either a high tolerance for discomfort and chaos, or with an extreme lack of patience and ill will. The boundaries created have allowed us to redefine or reestablish what is true and what is full of falsehoods. 

As I walk, I spot a woman down low, arranging trinkets around a tree. I know this to be a 'gnome home' or 'fairy garden'. I shout out to her, "I will pretend to not see you, because I know I am supposed to believe the gnomes built that". She laughs and makes a joke about not really being there. I can almost see her fade away. 

I float away on my own daydreams, enveloped by the waves that carry me forward. No matter how deep I might venture, I always swim back up to blue. 

On the wall is a photo mural by the artist, Michael Jang. I dance from street to sidewalk to accommodate passersby. I admire the images and the subtle touches the artist added after the rains washed away some detail. Having not stepped into a gallery or museum since this pandemic started, I am so delighted to be here enjoying these wonderful photographs. They celebrate the artist's extended family, and for me, celebrate the diversity and uniqueness of the city I love. 

Walking into Golden Gate Park, a ferris wheel reaches for the sky. I immediately put this into my post vaccine agenda. I love Ferris wheels, and they are my go to ride at any fair or amusement park. The change in perspective is freeing, and all else falls away. In this state, I am gleeful, a bird on a circle in the sky.  

As we get closer to an exit from this alternate reality that we failed to plan for, I have found my salve. The simple act of walking, wandering and noticing is enough to flip a switch in my busy brain. As long as I am able bodied and own a camera, it will continue. When social distancing is no longer critical, I may still find myself quietly reflecting on things seemingly unsubstantial, but still splendid. On the inhale, the camera clicks, creating the image that lives forever in the exhale. 

I hug the water, in the parking lots and along the piers. A woman shouts angrily in the distance and another follows from behind. I detour, to lose them both, to enter the quiet of my own mind. I chat with the seagulls, but in an invented world where they can understand. 

Boats huddle together as if to stay warm. It seems as if they should be sailing, making use of a beautiful day. The light stays longer now, but I must remind myself what month and what season we are in. A year has passed since our collective ill journey began, when all was locked down and minds were made uncertain. Hopefully the path will halt before it takes a turn into another direction of unwell.

A clear mind is the color of this blue sky. A blue rope is wound with its end ready to be pulled, to be useful and tightly held. Wooden horses cluster together, breaking from their utility.